Guilt in Pleasure

I don’t think I’m a shallow guy. Over the years I've met a number of people who've touched me with their warmth and kindness and generosity. But let’s be honest with ourselves - as much as I’d rather be with a warm, kind and compassionate 4 than a bitch 8, a dog is a dog is a dog. And sure, you can have the heart of Mother Theresa, but if I’m having convulsions every time I look at you, I'm not going to consider you a partner.

Outward appearances and impressions do count. If I see an average guy with an above average girl, my first inclination is “Hey, he did well for himself – he must have something going for him“ and I’m obliged to give the guy props. But if it's the opposite - if it's a well-heeled guy with a fugly, I’m thinking “What? That’s the best he can do? What’s the matter with this guy?!?!” Call it the Camilla Parker Bowles phenomenon.

It’s no secret that most guys value looks while most women value power. It’s ev-psych. Guys can compensate for their appearance deficiencies with wit, charm, and money. But when it comes to looks, well, you’re stuck with the hand that nature dealt you.

That must be rough for all the ugly sisters out there, and for them I have a lot of compassion. You could have 10 acronyms after your name and the heart of a saint, but if you look like you’ve been smacked with a shovel too many times, most guys will turn you down for that bimbo bitch.

But it’s not all lose-lose for girls. A girl can coast on her looks while a guy can’t. It’s easy for a 9 or 10 bombshell to be the trophy wife to some rich old prick, wait for him to croak, and reap his inheritance. The guy can look like Brad Pitt, but he’s still expected to be the breadwinner.

However, attractive people are generally nicer because they’re treated better by people. Unattractive people are more likely to be consumed with bitterness, resentment, self-loathing, and pent-up hostility owing to the rough fate they’ve been dealt in life.

It’d be great if us guys placed less emphasis on something shallow like appearance and more on the intangibles like kindness and compassion. But it’s something that we’ve been hard-wired to do. The preference for smooth skin and a 0.7 waist- to-hip ratio spans cultures.