Riding Dirrty

I take the TTC to work, and it provides for some good and not-so-good visual entertainment. For whatever reason, the ratio of women-to-men on the morning commute downtown is like 3:1, and it can be a visual feast checking out the fine array of Toronto women of all sizes and colours all dressed business casual, particularly in these warm summer months.

Also interesting is my commute to the train station. On this route, there are usually the same people at the stop, the same driver, and the same familiar faces on the bus. Usually, all the one-seaters are always taken, and so I always head for my favourite seat, a two-seater by the window near the back, slightly elevated from all the rest. But a bizarre trend I notice is that I always, always, get a middle-aged Filipino woman sitting next to me.

It happened yet again today. I was reading the Star. I had my headphones on. There are literally at least 20 other vacant seats on the bus. Yet this woman boards the bus, walks all the way to the back, and opts for the seat adjacent to mine.

This is not the first time this has happened, and I find this really odd. I mean, I go out of my way to avoid sitting next to other people, and only resort to it if and only if there are absolutely no other vacant seats available. Sometimes I’d rather even stand. I’m sure this is the case with most people. And yet that is not the case on this particular route each morning, with me and these middle-aged Filipinas.

Now this is all the more bizarre because, IMO, a young brown guy with headphones and a newspaper is just about the last person I’d want to beside.

1. Newspaper - Run the risk of being elbowed.
2. Headphones - Who wants to put up with Snoop, Dre, Sean Paul and Chamillionaire blaring through some kid’s headphones?
3. Young male - Fits the profile of a criminal.
4. Brown - High probability of BO.

Another bone of contention: Anyone notice how there’s a huge spate of really disturbing ads on the Toronto subways these days? Heavy stuff that really gets you in a downer mood. The omnipresent erectile dysfunction ads are bad as it is. Now there are those Workplace Injury ads – usually featuring a distasteful cartoon with a dismembered organ of some sort. There are those domestic violence ads with the really graphic close-up of a battered and bruised pregnant/ elderly women, and some somber statistics accompanying it.

But most disturbing of all has to be those “we wrap it right / we ‘wrap’ it right” AIDS ads by ASAAP – the Alliance for South Asian AIDS Prevention. Anyone who’s ridden the subway in the past month knows what I’m talking about. Not only are they really tacky and lame, but I always get the sense that everyone on the subway is taking a glance at me, at the poster, and back over at me again. Relax guys, you don't need to scoot over - I don't have AIDS. And really, I had no idea there was a sudden huge outbreak of AIDS in the so-called South Asian “community.” I thought South Asians didn't get laid - did I miss the memo?!

Damn, imagine what impression a passing tourist gets of Toronto from these ads – the women are abused, the men can’t get it up, it’s not safe to go to work, and the brown people have AIDS! I miss those Edge 102 ads circa 1998 – the one that would have a funny quip like “enjoys carrying a vibrating pager in his pocket,” with an arrow pointing down towards the unsuspecting commuter.