Part II: Cultural Calibration

On Monday night I went out for a social event held by the Waterloo Tamil Students Association. Now I used to go out for a lot of WATSA events when I was in first year, like in the pic below, but I stopped going after I lost interest. But still being on their mailing list, I get spammed all time time about their events. So last night I finally bit the bullet and went out for some odd amalgam of a dinner/movie night at POETS. However, I think my real subconscious motivation for going was to get acquainted with and gain more exposure to that most elusive of all species – brown girls.

The Tamil people I used to talk to in 1st year had by now mostly graduated, so most of the faces were new to me. I was glad to meet a couple of pretty chill guys nonetheless, although I was slightly pissed that at least 2 people mistook me for a frosh.

But I’m observing things now more objectively, even my own ethnic community. And there’s something peculiar about the way these Tamil kids interact... There just seemed to be a lot of raw assertiveness. A lot of rowdy horseplay and alpha-male posturing. A lot of these guys had a brusque thuggish quality to them. A particular gait, a saunter. A manner of speaking that was very street, but exuding a certain innate masculine charisma. Not what you'd expect in a university crowd. Is it a Scarborough thing? I’m from there too; I don’t roll like that. I don’t know whether it was just these particular 40 or so kids, or whether it was just something I hadn’t noticed before but really hits me now from my isolation the past couple years.

The irony though is if you isolate any one of these guys and actually talk to them one-to-one, they come across as relatively decent, mild-mannered guys. But get these guys together in a group, and that herd mentality kicks in and all hell breaks loose. The girls are a bit better, but I also notice a lot of playful banter and teasing between the girls and guys. I try to dismiss this as youthful boisterousness and immaturity, but really these all these guys are 19, 20, 21, 22 max – I’m 21, so really what is it?

I think that’s why it’s hard gaming Tamil girls and (non-assimilated) brown girls in general. First there’s all that cultural conditioning to contend with – keeping the dating on the down-lo, preserving chastity etc. But if a guy comes across as too nice, they’ll dismiss him as weak and therefore won’t be interested. Just the very fact that I sound white middle-class would come across as effeminate relative to most of these guys. But do the opposite – try to be some smooth-talking Lothario – and it’ll be hard to penetrate that bitch shield because they know the type very well; they’re used to it because these guys are rampant in the community. So tonight I weighted all these factors and said fuck it and focused on observation with a keen quasi-anthropological lens; that the M-F ratio was 2-to-1 and that almost every girl there was surrounded by an entourage of mildly intimidating ruffian types deterred me too.

Also, unless you already have an in socially, cold approaches that work on white girls won’t necessarily work on brown girls. I found this out the hard way that night at Ceasar’s. Upon scoping the scene and noticing a white girl and a brown girl seated behind us, I go over with the help of some liquid courage and open with "Hey guys, my friends and I are debating something and we'd like your opinion. Who do you think has more armhair - Asian guys or brown girls?" This has the two girls immediately hooked and stroking James' smooth-as-a-baby's Korean arms in no time, and we have them very engaged for a few minutes.

Then the wheels come off. I run out of funny interesting pick-up material. At one point brownie even goes so far as to screech ”You’re not as smart as I thought you were!!!” 2 or 3 times and makes a sideways slashing motion with her right hand. Now in hindsight, I should’ve just hit right back as it's clear that she was just testing me – brown girls love to do that. Otherwise, she would have just politely exited right then and there. The clever retort would have been something like ”Oh really, and what do YOU have going for you besides your looks?” But her statement really threw me off – I don’t think I’d ever been flat-out called not smart before well except for that lesbian in Grade 11; she'd really hit me with the unexpected.

So when I give up on this cockblock and shift my attention to the more pleasant white girl, who is actually receptive and still showing signs of interest, brownie gets jealous and pulls her away to go dancing. White girl glances back and looks slightly apologetic. Also the fact that my wingmen weren’t doing much to engage despite an excellent lead-in didn't help matters either.

All in all IMO white girls are the easiest – friendly, open, and engaging, although they’ll be still be a bit more guarded around an “ethnic” than a white guy. Asian girls are sweet and demure, but many are elitist towards dark-skins. Brown girls are shrewd and combative and will game you right back, all the more so if you’re a brown guy; the key is to roll with the punches and be quick-witted and throw it right back at them. Black girls I’m afraid of. Latinas – no experience.



November 17, 2003
(^ pic is from 4 years back. Not the event I went out to Monday, but very similar and at the same venue.)