K-town NOT Down

Back from Sabbatical.

My licence now says that I'm 19 so I finally have (legal) license to drink. Over the course of this term the gang has sampled a myriad of fine drinking and/or dancing establishments in Waterwoo ho-down Central and Krautner - err... Kitchener. This includes, in decrementing order of personal preference, The Bomber, Phil's, Molly Bloom's, Silver Spur, Mussolini's, Federation Hall, Revolutions/The Flying Dog, Elements, McMullan's, K-zone (briefly) & The Doll House... Of the major establishments, the two places we have yet to hit up are Philthy McNasty's and Club Abstract. I'm always open to new experiences.

The Elements frat party was goin' good last night until the Gestappo Kraut bouncer threw me and T out for drunking too much. (What, me Mr.Risk-averse-Conservative-Alcohol-Conumer over-drink?!) And so I awoke this morning, somehow, to a back-pocket filled with condoms. Inspiration to post something about the K-W night scene.

I-love-the-beer. Getting drunk is fun because the semi-drunken stupor relieves me of my natural inhibition and rather conservative demeanour. I am at my best when I straddle that optimal state of inebriation - what I term "semi-drunkenness". Meaning that I'm not inhibited, but still I retain enough self-consciousness not to behave like a belligerent fool.

I personally prefer pubbing to clubbing. The atmosphere is far more relaxed, far less sexual, and is far more conducive to conversation; it's hard to start a conversation when Shaggy is yelling at 7 decibels in your ear. Unfortunately for the most part pubs in Toronto and Kitchener attract an overwhelmingly older Anglo-Celtic-Germanic clientele. That and everyone there's looking for a spouse - and it's hard to convince women you're 30 when you look like a high school sophomore. ;-)

As I'm still rather new to this whole thing, I'm usually the anti-social scientist spectating from the sidelines and taking note of everything. Increasingly though of late, I've been venturing into the field. On the off-hand chance that I do initiate conversation with the ladies, my punani ventures are fairly fruitful (pun intended). I find they're quite receptive because I have a suave charm and come across as witty and somewhat full of myself. (Also helps when you don't dance like the marionettes in the Robaxacet back pain commercials. ;-)) Therefore I should approach more, but my job is to assess risk for a living and so I also have to save some face. (A lot of women here are rather pretentious.) Admittedly though, I ought to divert these pseudo-discussion away from degrees and work and sublets to all that boring shit that girls like to talk about - like relationships. But I'm only honing my game as I'm new to the field. Casanova in no time.

Still it's tough to be a pubber though when you're straddling that age bracket (19-24) where most of your age cohort clubs. Though I don't mind the club scene (music+dancing=fun), it'd be nice to see the DJs mix it up more. Every club you go to plays the same routine Sean Paul-50 cent-Usher stuff. You can effectively predict which pelvic-gyration-oriented-rhythm-masquerading-as-a-song is coming on next. I'm a big fan of the old'school hip hop and the angry gangsta-rap of the late 80s/early 90s, so mixing it up and throwing in some danceable early 90s New Jack Swing tunes here and there would be nice. "Retro" beats are rare, except for AC/DC during frosh week.

Something else that is drawing my ire - what's the deal with girls solely dancing with other girls? Admittedly it's fun to watch girls get it on, but it's getting out of hand when there are *more* bitches dancing with other bitches than with guys! Why the fuck go to a straight club to engage in lesbian behaviour!? This shit is getting seriously out of hand and ought to be socially sanctioned. Fucking female sodomites.

Overall assessment of the K-W scene? What people lack in hotness, they more than make up for in haughtiness.