WM-AF

A little over two years ago, James, Eddie, Tristan and I took in a play called Banana Boys. (James' review.)

One of the themes touched upon was the imbalance in interracial relationships between Asians and whites - that overwhelmingly, the interracial couplings were between White Males and Asian females, and seldom the other way around. (There’s a video that does a hilarious take on this.) And when you have sites like bitterasianmen.com & angryasianmale.blogspot.com, it shows there are a lot of Asian guys out there that are secretly seething with rage.

This phenomenon is more pronounced in the States. In Canada (well pretty much Asiancourt/Markham/Richmond Hill & Richmond, BC), there are large concentrations of Chinese to allow for endogamy; the rate of out-marriage is much lower, and certainly nowhere near the 50% of Asian-American females that marry white males. Most of the Asian-Canadians I know are dating/relating with other Asians, and the respective communities are tight-knight, bordering on cliquish.

In the US, the Asian groups are dispersed albeit predominantly in the West Coast and Hawaii. The enclaves are less concentrated and the respective Asian communities are more integrated; the FOB quotient is low down here in relative terms, and you will see Asians relate to other groups.

So of the seldom sightings of (non-FOB) Asian girls I've seen around Connecticut (rare as the spotted owl), I noticed that the majority were in the company of a white guy. And every time I see this, I reflexively cringe on behalf of my Asian brothers because I can't help but think that there's one more SOL Asian dude stuck with KY Jelly and Kleenex for the night.

This is as all the more confounding given that Asian guys are, all in all, pretty good catches. Almost all the Asian guys I've come across are smart, clean-cut, well-mannered, and overall decent, stand-up guys. Usually the guys have a degree and some coin - sounds like an ideal spouse right? So why do so many of their women shun them?

I can't help but wonder whether deep down there is an element of self-loathing involved. I think making a statement like "I refuse to date Asian guys" - essentially saying I don't want my own kind – is like renouncing one’s heritage. Perhaps in these hapless Asian guys the women see a reflection of their fathers; someone who is stoic, stifling, and rigidly patriarchal, and a reflection of the historical legacy of symbol of foot-binding and concubines and female infanticide. The women don't want that cultural baggage. The complete emasculation of the Asian male by American pop culture doesn’t help matters either (thanks Bobby Lee!).

Moreover, dating/marrying white is implicitly a way of moving up in the status hierarchy; perhaps perceived as a pathway to upward mobility and greater acceptance into the American mainstream. Their kids will lose the double eyelid and broad features and jet black hair, something many of these women might view as a net positive.

Of course we can't legislate love, nor can we discount that as a factor. But clearly there are subversive factors at play when the phenomenon is so prevalent, and the ratio so lopsided.